Physician Notes

10:01 am: 67 y/o white male, unreasonably ugly, presents to the ED via EMS found       unresponsive following Multiple Vehicle Accident reportedly trying to
“see if he could start a dominoes kind of thing but with cars”
Pt is an organ donor.
Pt has a unicorn bracelet. Nurse cannot stop laughing; security has been called.

10 :47 am: The attending physician strolls in eating a hamburger.
“He’s practically a DOA. Prep for organ removal”
Pt is given 3 of epi and is thrashing melodramatically.
“How about that game last night?”
Shocked to 150.
“Pretty crazy”
Continuing CPR.
The neuro consult is running late. Her Temple Run score remains undefeated.
Shocked again to 200. Intubate.
“Hang up an O Negative, nurse”

10:49am: Hysterical nurse is dragged out of ER kicking and still laughing.
Shocked to 300.
“We only have B positive and yoo-hoo”
“Save the yoo-hoo for me, hang up a bag of Sunny D”
Flatline pierces through the Emergency Department
“Patient’s been down 20 minutes, Doc” Nurse chirps through smacks of gum.

10:53 am: Pt pronounced dead.
“Call me when the family’s here. Who’s up for sushi?”’

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